11-5-13 Writing assignment:
– Write a hate letter; write a love letter from someone who doesn’t have a chance with the object of his/her desire.
I hate you. Well, hate may be too strong a word. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings but I really don’t like you a lot. I mean I like you less than a lot. Not much at all. Really. I mean, you could be nicer to people. Especially me, who would like you a little if you were. But you’re not. So I don’t. But I would. If I could. But I don’t.
Yours truly (not really yours as much as truly)
Love letter from someone who doesn’t have a chance
Hi. My name is Ethel. Ethel Marie to be exact. I know you like ladies with unusual names like Yoko so I thought you would be interested to know that I don’t expect you to give her up for a stranger named Ethel. I realize she is your true love and that is fine. Really, it is. I was just thinking we could be good friends, you and I, unless Yoko wants to give you up for a career in the Navy or something. Then we could renegotiate. But as friends, I was thinking we could hang out. You know, go for pizza, maybe watch a football game with your pals, Ringo, George and Paul. Ringo really has a funny name. He might like an Ethel. You could ask him for me, but it’s okay if he doesn’t because I could be his friend, too.
So this is my plan and I hope you like it:
- I am coming to your concert in May (please have my ticket at will call and could you get me a back stage pass and an after-the-concert-party invitation and just staple them all together with the ticket?! Thanks, that will be great!)
- It is fine for you to bring Yoko along to the party since we’re just friends right now and besides, I’d love to meet her, too. She might want to invite me over after she sees I am not after her man.
- We’ll hang out, have that pizza, watch a football game the next day and do a little sight seeing since I haven’t been to New York before.
- Then, if you and the fellows want to come to my sweet sixteen, you are welcome. It is on June 20 at my house in Knoxville, Tennessee. (1010 Tooles Bend Rd.) You are welcome to bring along your guitars and sing some. My friends are really nice and I know you will love them when you meet them. I told them you’d be there. They are really looking forward to meeting you. I don’t know why but a few of them don’t believe you and I are friends. I told them we are just friends, there is nothing going on between us so bring Yoko, too, if you want.
Thanks a lot, Johnny. Can’t wait to see you at the concert.
Hugs and Kisses to the boys,
p.s. XOXOXOXO to you, too!