Learner’s Permit for Motherhood

Learner’s Permit for Motherhood

10-21-13

 

There were some things they forgot to mention when I was getting my Learner’s Permit for Motherhood.  The study guide I got free from Babies R Us didn’t have one page, no not even one sentence, on these items! I feel the need now to write at least one new chapter for you future parents or future non-parents (if after reading the study guide, you decided to get a dog instead.)

 

  1. Children don’t go somewhere else for the weekend like your students do if you are a teacher and give you a much-needed two days to recupe. If you weren’t a teacher you might not have expected that, but somehow subconsciously I must have because it came as a major shock when one week ran slam-banked into the next.
  2. Nights are much longer than days when your baby is sick. Clocks get stuck right around midnight and the minute hand runs backwards a half step for every minute forward. It is a proven fact. I saw it on Wikipedia with confirming statements from a Swiss clock-maker (they’re the best, you know) and a disclaimer that it is not their fault and they can’t be held responsible for anything involving babies.
  3. Babies only last about three months. They are children after that, but some are teenagers for about 47 years in the 7-year period. That, too, is a fact found in the same article mentioned above, but you can confirm it with almost any parent of a teenager, except those parents of the two in my creative writing class who are exemplary teens and will pass through their teen-ness at an accelerated pace, no doubt winning the Nobel Prize for teen-speed.
  4. Parenthood never ends. What? You thought you were signing up for 18 blissful years and expected a diploma with summa cum laude engraved on it at the end? Well think again, ostrich! Example: Just this weekend my son, daughter-in-law and grandson came over for the weekend. You know how parents are supposed to be good role models for their children?  Right! And you know how the house never looks dirty until company is coming and then you see all the dust bunnies, cobwebs, and coffee stains in the sink (hopefully the first two aren’t in the sink or else you really are a bad housekeeper)? Well, even though my children have seen my house messy many times and have been the cause of said mess a great deal of those times, I’m up Friday morning early to model good housekeeping behavior. Not that they don’t have it already themselves, but because I can’t let the truth come out now, 39 years later! You see, parenthood really never ends. You can’t let your guard down for a minute or you’re busted!

 

But in case it sounds like parenthood is a drag and you’ve even decided to leave the dog at the no-kill shelter, there’s a few more things they left out of the Babies R Us study guide.

 

  1. A phone call, text, facebook message, skype, instagram, or card in snail-mail from one of your children is better than chocolate fudge on a cloudy day. Better than money in the bank. Better than passing Go. It is sunshine in your heart.
  2. When your kid wins anything—the gold egg at the Easter Egg Hunt, a ribbon at the fair for his prize pig, first seat in the clarinet section, tickets to the tractor pull that you really didn’t want to go to and now you have to—anything!—you find a way to weave it into the conversation with you friends, your family, your pastor and his wife on Sunday morning.
  3. No matter where your kid is you check the weather to see if he/she is going to have a sunny day. I have been known to change morning news stations to one that gives me both Georgia (son and family) and Idaho/Wyoming (daughter) weather.

 

You see, I took the test without all the important information and somehow I passed. But the real questions were never asked until I asked them myself.

 

And the answers—-well, they came to me with love.

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8 thoughts on “Learner’s Permit for Motherhood

    1. mariedpatty Post author

      Thanks, I didn’t see the weather for Idaho this morning because we were in Ila. I hope I can visit soon as well, but I can’t wait for your visit here! I love you, too. MOM

      Reply
  1. shirley

    Marie, I can see you in every word. I am so glad you are creative writing. BUT honestly I don’t think you need a class you already are the best.

    Reply
    1. mariedpatty Post author

      But that is because you can read my mind and even if I don’t say it right you know what I meant because we worked together so long and we are like twins, two halves of a whole. Please write your Indian Pot story. I want to read it to Beowulf when you are finished. He can read it himself but it will be so much fun to read it together. It is great to hear from you. Take care, Love, Marie

      Reply
  2. ekolbusz95

    I like your style and insight, your humor,your perceptions. Now, how long did this blog take to emerge? I didn’t take a course and wrote a novel. Is the course worthwhile? Effective? Affordable? I want to know if it could teach me something I may not know.

    Reply
    1. mariedpatty Post author

      Thank you! I have been to two classes so far. The teacher, Beth Hermes, is wonderful. She teaches it at Foxtale Book Shop We are reading a book by Elizabeth Berg called Escaping into the Open: The Art of Writing True. I just started my blog this week so I don’t know the ins and outs of wordpress yet. I tried to italicize the title for example but it put funny marks around the words but didn’t italicize them. I also tried to send you the link to the bookstore so you can read about the class. Maybe when I it send the reply it translates these things into links and/or italics.

      So see, this blog is still emerging. I am in awe of you for having written an entire novel. I haven’t tried that yet but it seems a daunting task. I have taken one other writing class a long time ago but I am a retired High School Visual Arts Teacher so writing has been fun for me, but I haven’t done it professionally. If you are in the area of Woodstock, Georgia, Beth’s class is great. She also teaches some classes at Kennesaw State University. This class is 8 weeks long so we have a long way to go. We meet one night a week for about an hour and a half and then we write, write, write all week long til the next week. We also write and read our writing in class. It is fun and we laugh a lot. All ages of people are there. The cost of the class was about $145 and then the price of the book which is about $15. I think it is worth it to me. Without it, I probably wouldn’t be writing everyday or getting feedback.

      Please, if you can find the follow button which I thought I created, click it and follow along with me on this fun adventure and we can share ideas about writing. Thanks again for your comments,
      Marie

      Reply
    1. mariedpatty Post author

      Yes, I will send you an e-mail reminder, I think, if I find that link again. I have never done this so I am learning how as I go. Thanks, Jennifer. If you find a follow button to click, try clicking it, too. That might remind you, If I don’t find the button. I’ll get it figured out eventually. I just started this week. With it, my class, my Etsy shop, my Monday Painting Group, and making my pottery and jewelry, I am a busy as I was when I was gainfully employed. But I will be writing every day, or at least that is the goal of the class so I figured I might as well make it into a blog. Then my poor family wouldn’t be called upon to carry the load of reading every thought that comes into my head all by themselves. The rest of the world could help out, maybe. I am glad you liked today’d entry. It is all true. I am sure you have figured that out by now. Love you, too. Rea

      Reply

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